Monday, June 13, 2016

E3 2016 - The Sony press conference.

Alright!  Startin' late as usual.  Okay, Sony, here's what I want.

  • I want release dates for Darkest Dungeon and Salt & Sanctuary on Vita. 
  • I want you to say the word Vita
  • Everything else is gravy. 

Pretty nice-lookin' venu.  

There's some guy with long hair and a goatee that people are woopin' for.  No idea who he is.  I think he's a conductor.  Seems to be... 

Wow this is unusually pretentious for Sony. 

Whole, big live orchestra and everything.  

They've been playing for like five minutes now.  

What the fuck is this music supposed to be from?   Are we supposed to relate this to something PlayStationesque?

Okay it's Horizon.  I think.  Little boy in furs playing with something. 

Holy shit it's God of War. 

And the asshole running the feed shrinks the vid because that's what viewers want.  

New voice actor for Kratos. Looks absolutely gorgeous. 

Simply called God of War.  

Shawn Layden's up.  Man if that's what they lead with, how're they gonna' finish? 

He's acknowledging the attack in Orlando.  

And now... Sony Bend!   Rural setting.  Post-apocalypse.  But still green and alive.  Post-apocalypse biker gang game?  Days Gone is the name.  10 minutes of gameplay is already up on YouTube! 

But they don't show the gameplay, they transition right into The Last Guardian footage - and there's two griffins?! 

The Last Guardian is coming October 25, 2016!

And now it's Horizon: Zero Dawn!  This thing has barely started!  Pure gameplay!

Huh, it's got a conversation wheel.  

Huh.  Aloy can "override" the mechanical monsters and use them as fucking mounts.  

Man, this looks incredible.  So sad I gotta' wait 'till next year for this.  

And now Detroit is up - that thing from Quantic Dream.  Myeh. 

Looks like it's going back to the semi-mystery thing of Heavy Rain.  Very choice-and-consequence thing going on.  I'm feeling very meh about it.  

Now it's on to VR.  

Resident.  Fucking.  Evil.  7.  


Straight gameplay demo.  Very PT.  Very nice graphics.  First-person.  Creepy messed-up house.  TV with static on it.  

Frickin' awesome.  Shawn Layden: RE7 will be fully playable with PlayStation VR when it releases on January 24th.  Demo available tonight on PS+.    Playstation VR launches October 13th in the US.  ...what about Canada?  50 games will be available from launch 'till the end of 2016.  That includes "some of the biggest franchises along with new titles."

And now some examples of PSVR games.  ...there's like... you're lost on a desert alien planet.  And there are alien robo-drones scanning the environment.  Oop it's also a shooter.  

Giant space spider.  Farpoint is the name.  

Whoop it's a Star Wars game.  

Star Wars Battlefront: X-Wing VR Mission.  

It's Mark Hamill's joker talking!  But it's dark and we don't know what's up!  

Batman Arkham VR - exclusively on PSVR October 2016, made by Rocksteady!  Holy sheet. 

And now it's a Final Fantasy XV trailer.  Very dubstep.  Again, coming September 30, 2016.  Looks like there's a PSVR thing for FFXV too.  You basically stand in one spot and shoot a gun, then teleport to another spot and shoot your gun again.  Final Fantasy XV VR Experience

This has been pretty damned good so far - what's next?!

A bunch of planets... zooming in to a huge space frigate... first-person.  You seem to be the commander.  

But then you're hopping in to a starfighter and jetting out into space... 

I think this is Eve Valkyrie?

It looks pretty damned sexy for a PSVR game.  

Oh no it's just the next Call of Duty.  So not VR.  But that was an awesome trailer. 

And now they're announcing a Modern Warfare remaster.  

And now they're playing Crash Bandicoot music.  And it's happening.  "We worked with our partners at Activision to bring back the original Crash 1, Crash 2 and Crash Warped fully remastered for the PS4."  Crash will appear first on PlayStation this October in Skylanders Imagineers.  

LEGO Star Wars is up.  Demo available right now on PS4. 

And now Andrew House is up!

But he's only here to introduce fucking Kojima

"Hello!  Hello everyone!  ...I'm back!"

(Wooooo from the crowd.)

"Today I bring something we made for you.  And this is all running in real time.  Please enjoy!"

He's actually got something?!

SCE presents, created and developed by Kojima Interactive... what the fuuu...?  

Ooop nekked dude on the ground.  Next to a nekked bebeh.  It's Norman Reedus!  From PT!  And he's holding the bebeh and he's very sad!  Is nekked bebeh dead?

And how oily palm prints are appearing on him.  And he has a crazy scar on his tummy.  

And there are ominous things floating in the sky! What the eff is going on?!

Death Stranding is the name.  What the heck did we just see?!

And now Insomniac is making a frickin' Spider-Man game!  And it looks amazeballs!

Whuttt are you doing to me this E3 Sony?!

#SpidermanPS4 appears.  I guess it's just called Spiderman?

Now Shawn Layden is thanking us for going along with them on this journey... is this the end?  So soon?  It feels like it just started.  Oh - live demo of Days Gone. 

What the fuck are Sucker Punch working on?!

Okay, Days Gone is clearly open-world.  

Definitely post-apocalypse bikers.  And there are zombies!  And there are zombie hordes.  And there's really no stopping them, it seems.  They're runners, and they flow like water towards the player and around obstacles.  Kind of amazing. 

Did this get a release window announced?  I could go for that.  

And now it's all done so we get a sizzle reel. 

I'll try to find those trailers as soon as I can - Spider-Man still hasn't appeared.  

And that's all she wrote.  

Didn't.  Mention.  Indies.  Once.  

I'm sorry, Sony - I mean, this was awesome, it was! - but how could you not include some indies?  

And the word Vita never appeared. 

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