Okay, so what did Sony show off in Paris? Well, not much. Not much at all. They showed an old Call of Duty trailer with the zombies mode again, and reminded people that Call of Duty DLC is coming to PS4 first, just like it used to come to Xbox 360 first.
Then they reminded people that Star Wars Battlefront is still coming next month, and talked about the exclusive bits they'd nabbed for that. Whatever it cost, no doubt, could have funded Drinkbox Studios' next six games but whatever.
Dhalsim was announced for Street Fighter V, which is actually pretty darned cool and I love how twisty and rubbery he is now.
Oh, and he's gone full hipster with the beard and all. "I was stretchy before it was cool." But, again, Street Fighter V coming exclusively to PS4 is something we already knew about. No big whoop - but they announced a release date - Tuesday, February 16th, 2016.
Tekken 7 was then also announced for PS4, but isn't that something you should maybe get out of the way before talking about Street Fighter? That's kind of like showing Gollum the One Ring and then showing him the Arkenstone. I don't care about your Dwarven trinket - that's the one to rule them all, thank you.
Then they talked about Battleborn. Remember Battleborn? It's the sort-of-MOBA FPS that Gearbox (of Borderlands fame) is putting together, also known as Gearbox (of Duke Nukem Forever and Aliens: Colonial Marines infamy). Then they announced that Battleborn's beta test will happen next year exclusively on PS4 and the crowd was like... stonefaced.
Y'know that pause that presenters do, to give time for people to applaud? It was so awkward, there. Just silence.
Yeah, sorry Sony - whatever you paid for that was a waste of cash too. You could have just burned it in a dumpster and given a nearby hobo a cozy night's sleep.
Then, Boundless. Boundless is quickly forgotten, even as it looks kind of interesting..? Imagine Minecraft with doors to multiple, vastly different worlds, and it's also like an MMO, but there's no verbal communication with other players. And there's grappling hooks.
Not... that thrilling but hey, No Man's Sky!
Coming June 2016.
Cross your fingers!
Then Housemarque announced Matterfall. What's Matterfall? Well check out this trailer, which I think makes it pret-ty clear!
Okay, so... it's a shooter? I think? Wait, maybe this post at the PlayStation Blog will explain what kind of game Matterfall actually is...
"MatterFall follows an unexpected hero fighting for survival on a ravished sci-fi world infected by a mysterious and deadly alien material known only as “Smart Matter.”...so... nope! Moving on.
Using agility and powerful weaponry you must explore this new world and utilize your own control over the Smart Matter to uncover the mystery of this new threat and save the day before it threatens the very existence of the human race."
We got another Horizon: Zero Dawn gameplay demo. It's... largely identical to the one at E3, right down to how the Thunderjaw is taken down (rope arrows and an explosive shot to the weak point) - but a lot more of the world is explained and fleshed out by narration.
Still looks smexy. Bloodborne: The Old Hunters got a brief little trailer, which is mostly just about kickin' ass with a giant pizza cutter.
...though it serves to remind me that we're not getting The Old Hunters' physical release in North America (why is Europe getting all the physical releases?!), and I'll hafta' import that.
Driveclub Bikes was announced - a stand-alone expansion, available... right now. Then... praise be, they showed Gravity Rush 2. Remember in the first (real) trailer for GR2, Kat had this silver stuff on her arms and legs and she took a running leap off a rooftop and just shot straight out? And it was like "is that just a new move, or..?" Well, it's not a new move per say. In addition to the style of gravity bending you fell in love with in Gravity Rush, Kat sports "Moon Style" (silver adornment), which makes her lighter, faster and allows for massive jumps, and "Jupiter Style," which is heavier and allows hard-hitting attacks. See? Check it out:
And then we got this hot new trailer that really shows off where all that PS4 horsepower is going - specifically, the Havok physics engine.
A lot of people predicted what we'd see next - a multiplayer trailer for Uncharted 4. And it looks... pretty damned amazing, actually. Check this:
They showed off some more gameplay of Dreams - the next thing from (LittleBigPlanet) Media Molecule. It still looks creepy and weird, but now it also looks like a creepy, weird game with awkward controls.
After that, it was mostly PlayStation VR stuff. I am of the opinion that PlayStation VR (and any VR that's not plugged directly into a beastly PC) will go the way of Virtua Boy, the PlayStation Move and the Kinect - I don't think the market will support meaningful development post-launch - but y'know. Dare to dream.
Like, Crytek is making something for it, the Until Dawn crew is making an Until Dawn spin-off for it, yadda yadda yadda. "Over 200 developers" are working on stuff for PS VR, they said - but they also said the same shit about the Vita, and look where that is lately.
I'm bitter, I know.
Then they announced Gran Turismo Sport, which sounds a lot like DriveClub 2. They're hoping to get on PS VR as well (of course), but after the trailer, Kazunori Yamauchi just drones on for like ten goddamned minutes about how if you win the tournament in the game they'll give you a trophy at the FIA the same day they give real trophies to real drivers. It was... obscenely boring. But then they showed Wild.
And Wild still looks awesome.
It's a brilliant demo, really - taking you through each stage of the Shaman's journey, walking you through the mechanics, skipping the boring stuff. Very cool - very smart showing.
Though, admittedly, before she appeared I said to myself "why do I feel like the Snake God is going to be a sexy mostly-naked snake-woman? Ah, there she is." She still felt awesome in the literal sense of the word, though - so that's cool.
Also, I want to swim as a rabbit now.
Then... (sigh) ... David Cage came out. Except now we know it's not pronounced Dayvid, but Dahvid. My whole life I didn't realize I might, one day, need to correct people on how to pronounce my name, but there it is.
And remember the Kara tech demo from years ago? Well, Cage decided to spin that into a full game called Detroit: Become Human. I'll admit, at this point in the conference I had returned to my desk at work and was just listening to it on my earbuds, but this... is so classic Dahvid Cage. Just relentless, schlocky over-writing, and... here's the thing...
I know people are hyped for this. I'm reading comments on websites that I'm pretty sure aren't just shill accounts, talking about how excited they are for Detroit, but I look at a Quantic Dreams game and think "this thing's budget could fund ten indie studios for three years."
What a disappointing conference. No real announcements, nothing particularly interesting - but we got a closer look at Gravity Rush 2, which looks marvelous, saw a huge chunk of WiLD, which looks marvelous, and Uncharted 4's multiplayer, which looks ridiculous.
I give it four out of ten.