Monday, June 13, 2016

E3 2016 - the Ubisoft press conference.

Okay Ubisoft, here we go.  You are, as a rule, terrible at press conferences.  Like super-bad.  But EA's was abysmal, so the bar is super-low this year!

Good luck.  Expectations adjusted for Ubiness.

...huh.  I just realized that all I want from Ubi is something kind of definitive on South Park: The Fractured But Whole.  Oh!  News dropped today that trophies from The Stick of Truth have appeared for PS4, so maybe we're getting an up-port?  (I would buy that up-port.)

Starting off with a sizzle reel... please don't suck, Ubi.  It's so awful when you suck.

Oop!  Starting only four minutes late.  I think that's a record this year.

...and it's starting off with a frickin' dance show.

Thirty seconds in and it's "go home Ubisoft, you're drunk."

More dancers!  They're dancing all over the place!

But Aisha Tyler is up and we like her!  Wow she got some work done on her face by the looks of it.  Well she's still funny and charming so we like her.

And she's acknowledging the shooting in Orlando.  Far better than Spencer's, for the record.  She didn't mispronounce "tragedy," for a start.

Just Dance is coming to all gaming platforms and PC next November.

"Vaguely beautiful but faintly urine-scented Los Angeles."  I love you Aisha.  She's noting this is her fifth conference, which is the "wood" anniversary.  She says she's being paid in red wine and sarcasm, but she comes because she loves games.

Ghost Recon Wildlands is up now.  Looks like a CG trailer... it is!  It is a CG trailer.  Not a bad CG trailer.

Dominic Butler (lead designer) is up to talk about Wildlands.  "The largest action-adventure open world Ubisoft has ever done."  That's not a small order.

And now a bunch of co-op gameplay.  Looks pretty decent.  Not blowin' my skirt up.  But it also kinda' looks like I wish Destiny had turned out.

Ghost Recon Wildlands will launch on March 7, 2017.

Now there's a terrifying trailer about increasing violence, conspiracies and the basic fall of society... no idea what this is for... maybe the Division?  YES.


All I wanted.  Trey Parker and Matt Stone are up!  Wewt!

And now gameplay!  Woo!

Three base classes but apparently you can mix and match powers to create your own superhero persona.  And apparently there's a gay fish and you're trying to help its mom get into heaven - it's somehow related to Kanye West.

Oh man the combat system has been totally overhauled, a lot of position-based stuff now.

"Anyone who buys the fractured but whole will get Stick of Truth for PS4, One, PC for free.  Pre-purchase now and get TSOT right now!"

Holy fuck!

Release date!  December 6th, 2016!  I have got to go preorder this.

And now Aisha's back to talk about the Division.  Myeh. Some sort of free Undergrounds expansion is coming for free, I think he said.  That's cool.

And now they're talking about another new expansion... Survival. CG trailer!  A very grim CG trailer!

Eagle Flight (VR) is up now.  3 v 3 PVP.  You're eagles playing capture the flag with a dead rabbit, but the other eagles can shoot you down.  And when you get shot down your screen just goes black.

Ubisoft's Star Trek VR thing is up next (multiplayer co-op - you're the bridge crew). They've got Levar Burton (Geordi Laforge), Karl Urban (Bones), Jeri Ryan (7 of 9) talking about it and Burton legitimately seems super-hyped for it.

Now some sort of middle-ages fantasy thing... a castle town is getting ripped from the earth...

"There were no signs.  It came without warning.  Doom care for us all.  The desperate few struggled to survive."  I think it's For Honor.

It definitely is. A CG story trailer.  Huh.

And now gameplay.  It appears there's totally a single-player campaign for For Honor.

In other news, For Honor just became more appealing to me.

Coming February 14, 2017.   Yeah sorry, but Persona 5 is out that day.

And now it looks like a sequel to Grow Home.  B.U.D. is back (this was rumored).  Grow Up is the game.  Coming this August to PS4, One and PC.

And now a pair of creative directors are up in crazy sweatsuits.

"Trials and Blood Dragon had a horrible baby together."  Looks a lot more Trials than Blood Dragon, but looks.. energetic.  Trials of the Blood Dragon.  It's out now on PS4, One and PC (when the conference ends.)

And now there's a guy talking about the AssCreed movie.  'Cause we all super-care about the Assassin's Creed movie.

(We don't.)

What feels like thirty years later, this is still happening.

I guess Ubi is just super-proud to have a movie based on one of their franchises.  I don't remember them doin' this for that Prince of Persia movie though.

I think it's almost over.  Maybe that's hope.  It might be over.  It is!

Watch Dogs 2 is up.

And now a Watch Dogs 2 gameplay demo!

...and it actually looks really awesome.  Coming Nov 15 on PS4, One and PC.

Yves Guillemot or whatever his name is is thanking Sony for their push with the first Watch Dogs, which made it a success, and they're partnering with Sony again for Watch Dogs 2.  And now they're bringing out a Sony Guy to announce that Watch Dogs is going to be "the next videogame-based blockbuster movie."

Sure it will.  Sure it will.

All DLC will come to PlayStation 30 days before any other platform.  And another new trailer!  Not a bad trailer.

If you preorder the limited edition, you'll get a "Wrench Jr." radio-controlled robot.

And a new IP... "the thrill of action sports" and open-world.  "A completely new genre and I'm sure you will love it."

So it's just an extreme sports game.  Paragliding and downhill skiiing and snowboarding and wingsuiting.   Steep.

I'm sorry, Ubisoft, but downhill skiing/snowboarding is not "a completely new genre."

Showin' a bunch of gameplay...

Nice graphics!  First-person "Go-Pro views" are in there.  That's pretty cool.

You can send lines you've done as challenges to your friends, rewind, pause time and take screenshots, or just hanglide down a mountain and enjoy the scenery.

Interesting idea.  I doubt it'll do very well :(

And that's how Ubi ends an otherwise pretty decent press conference?  Like astoundingly decent for Ubi.  Like this?

But as it turns out, yes - exactly like this.  Still better than EA!

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